Thursday, February 28, 2013

We accept the Love we think we Deserve...

That statement, something that within the past few months I have heard on a few different occasions, and also have told to a few other people I have known to be having a hard time. At first, when I heard it, it really made me think. Not just about the statement, or how it could help people, but how it actually was going to help me. It is a self realization  to the fact that when it really comes down to it, it is a statement of truth. 

Most of the time real life doesn't measure up to what is in our mind. But every so often,  either we get a small piece or a whole slice. We all have something that we want to have happen, for myself, like many people, look for one thing, acceptance and compassion. Why do some of us have such a hard time saying what we want in life? I think for myself is because I do not know what I want for myself. 

I don't know, I am suppose to use words to explain how I feel about you, yet those words never seam to have the same meaning out of my head, or so I think. What is the liberty of saying something when you yourself do not accept those words to begin with. Does it take how I feel, and become a literal speechless thing then? But I wonder why I still constantly think about you. Why wont you leave my mind. Why do you keep appearing. And again it comes to time, at this current time, you are what makes me happy. You make me feel alive inside again. I've said it before, but you just take reality away. If I could jump to one point of time and stop time, it would be to a time in which you were smiling. Yeah, that would have to be it. My words cannot describe that of which you are. Nothing I could ever say could do you justice. When I speak about you, everything is twice fold what it really is. 

I think we all are just looking for someone who we can love the rest of our life. But are we afraid of such things? I don't think people are afraid of love, saying that you love someone is one thing, but saying you love someone is more like saying that you trust someone. You trust them, you open yourself up to them in confidence that they will understand you and still be their for you at all times. The fear comes from not knowing what will happen when you throw everything else out the window for someone, not knowing how they will react to it all. 

Has anyone ever spoken to you about how they fell in love with you? What their thought process was and how it all came together? Maybe I am just in love with loving you? Does that even make any sense at all? How do you write letters to someone, when you know they will never get them. But you feel that you have so much to say to them. But you are afraid to tell them. 

Love. When it happens, everything changes. The world itself becomes something so wonderful, it allows us to see the minor things and how wonderful they are. All the best love stories have one thing in common, you have to go against the odds to get there. If the universe tried for a billion years, it would not be able to create another exact copy of you. Use this to your advantage. Love is not only about romance, candle-lit diners and walking hand in hand. In fact, real love is about a lifetime of compromise, commitment and trust. Every union has it, a bond of sorts. A link that keeps these two things connected. I guess I question what that is. Many of you will call it love when it involves people. But can it be other things? 

I hate it when I lose my thoughts. 

Ever have one of those days where you just want to talk to someone. You keep thinking about them, and thinking about them. You want to talk to them, you keep thinking that if you think hard enough they will say something to you first. Or you just want to tell them everything you thought of today. All of the beautiful things, all of the wonderful thoughts you had today about the world, but you can't because it is all about them? 

They say that you need to love yourself first. This today caused a great question to arise, what is me? Is me the thoughts and emotions, is it this shell of a body that contains those things, is it both? Obviously this is just the Philosophic debate of the Mind Body problem. But take this into consideration, if we were to only use attraction?sight to determine love, then the first thing we see that we like we should fall in love with, right? Maybe not, because then we would have this strange interweaving of he loves her, she loves that guy, who he loves that guy, who loves that goat, and so on...

So, my question is, am I to love me for who I think I am, or love me for who everyone else thinks I am? How would you even know what others really think of you to even base it on the later? Do we not think love is something more complex, something more deep. I mean, we have placed such a huge value on this emotion that it seems rather inconsistent to think anything less of it. 

Over the last two years I will say that my emotional front of wanting to know someone better has changed a few times to different people. You learn who they are as time progresses. You learn their little quirks and they start to grow on you. Eventually you have to learn to deal with them in one fashion or another. Love them or leave them. We always have a road we don't take. Either we know that taking that road will take us a few extra minutes to get to our destination. But why do we do this? Why do we purposely skip to the easiest path? Why not take the road that might lead us to something new, something better?  

Don't just look, observe. Don't just breathe, smell. Don't just sleep, dream. Don't just think, feel. Don't just exist, live.

Sometimes you got to quit thinking so much. If it feels right, it probably is; just go with it. Your dreams don't have any limits, unless you create them. Your desire to succeed must overpower your fear of failure. Sometimes you've got to realize that you are just too close to the puzzle to see the big picture. You need to take a few steps back to see things clearly. 

So much can happen in a year. No matter where you are in your life, or where you want to go, it will not be the same place as one year ago, today; and if it is then you are doing something wrong. In one year, you can fall or rise, bend or break, love or hate hundreds of times and all that matters is whom you become while standing on the other side of that year. A year can make all the difference. Just give yourself a year.

When we clear out other people’s expectations or the classic things we are supposed to want, we make room to take baby steps toward our true dreams. 
Also, focus your conscious mind about the things you desire not things you fear. Doing so brings dreams to life, while at the same time your fears will be present if you only think of them. 

They have told me, that you are only as intelligent as to what you do not know. And I cannot argue this at all. And I know I do not know much,  but at what point do you no longer search for the answer to a question? When do you move on to the next question. Life itself is a timed test, sometimes others just find the answers faster then the rest. 

It is weird how time changes things. It changes our feelings on a variety of topics, love, politics, friendships, thoughts. Promise me something, never stop looking for whats not there. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but just maybe the timing is off. Even love itself can be this way. Do my words ever make a difference for anyone who reads them? This is the question I ask myself when I feel foolish about what I am writing. But what is a fool then, the person reading or the person writing to begin with. The questions I ask, the thoughts I have. The things I think I want to say.

Why do I do what I do? Because I want other people to have a chance in the world.